50 Shades of Beige - A Searing Expose of the Secret Sex Lives of the Over Fifties

_{A Searing Expose of the Secret Sex Lives of the Over Fifties,}

_{in Swinging Suburbia.}

_{Part Five: “ Songs for Swinging Lovers”}

"Eh ? “ George's mono-syllabic reply to such a loaded question was the best he could muster. “ In the kitchen or the living-room, that's where people usually hang-out at parties, isn't it ?” Lucy followed up her line of enquiry. 
“ Oh, you mean...point you in the direction of the other guests, yes, of course you did ! ha ha,ha ! “ George laughed awkwardly. “ Well, that was the general idea, unless you have other plans for us. You cunning old dog, you, “ chided Gary.

_{"No ! Not at all, I just didn't hear you right, that's all. Look, why don't you go in here,” George opened the door to the living-room, “ ..and make yourself comfortable. Lucinda and I are finishing the final touches...” George was interrupted by Gary, “ You lucky swine, eh !”}

_{"That's not what I meant at all, please Gary, stop twisting my words. Things are hard enough for me, as it is, this evening” George pleaded.}

_{"Whoa ! there George, you don't have to brag about it, mate !” Gary replied mercilessly. George made a tactical withdraw from the dynamic duo....and Gary – leaving them to their own devices, with the other guests – and made his way back to the kitchen to check-in with his team-mate.}

_{Lucinda had been flat out – which wasn't easy for a woman of her shape – getting everything ready for serving, glasses gleaming – awaiting for the receiving of various alcoholic substances – plates piled up and interspersed with paper napkins and cutlery well polished, in fact all that remained to do, was for the transportation of wares into the party room.}

_{Lucinda pounced on him straight away, “ Okay, George, let's get this food moving, before that little lot, next door, have got themselves going. After all, if an army can't march on an empty stomach, then a rampant room of swingers, certainly can't F...”}

_{"ALRIGHT ! I get the picture ! I'll start taking the quiche and plates into the living-room, if you follow through with the sausage rolls and glasses, and then the rest should be easy,” George offered his game plan for approval.}

_{"Oooh ! I'm sure they'll be easy enough, but lets not forget the rest of the goodies.”}

_{"Ah ! Yes, those, how could I ever forget,” George hadn't forgotten, he just didn't think that this type of social gathering, with it's particular strain of guests, would be best served with a selection of “nibbles and finger-foods.
If only on the grounds of being slightly inappropriate, definitely ironic and highly unhygienic ! Still, his was not to reason why, just to serve and stand idly by – to para-phrase someone or other. Not to mention the “Dip” factor – a small number of dips, accompanied by sliced crudities and freshly popped, Pringles - which George found personally, distasteful, the very thought of the possible prospect of a double-dipping incident occurring, filled him dread.}

_{"Oh, and what have you got lined up, in the way of music, my little slipped disc, jock ?” Lucinda enquired. “ Music ? I hadn't given it, that much thought. I just assumed people would have their hands full , as it were, to notice any musical accompaniment.” George explained himself.}

_{"Darling, music is très important, in setting the mood. You can't underestimate the power of a deep vocal, or an up-lifting score with a strong rhythmic movement,” Lucinda pressed on, “ Now, what do you have in your vinyl archives ?”}

_{"Well, how about “ The Best of Barry White” or a little bit of Imagination with “ Body Talk ?”}

_{George offered.}

_{"Mmmmm ! Not bad, sweetie, But, they're just a bit passé, these days. Anything else in your arsenal ?”}

_{"What about some Hot Chocolate ?”}

_{"Hot chocolate ! that's not exactly the hot beverage we want, darling ! We want to encourage seduction not sedation !"}

_{"I meant the pop group Hot Chocolate ! You know... “ It started with a Kiss”, “ You Sexy Thing !”}

_{"Not so loud, Romeo ! If Angela over-hears you she might get the wrong idea...or perhaps the right one, eh Tiger ?” Lucinda teasingly purred.}

_{"One of these days, you're going to go to far lady, and then you'll be sorry”}

_{"Ohh ! George, Is that a threat or a promise ?”}

_{"Neither ! For the love of God, can we please just stick to the matter in hand !” George pleaded.}

_{"I can't help myself, you're so easy to wind up, and too be honest, you do keep asking for it “}

_{"NO, I DON'T! Now, how about this question of music ?” George vented his exasperation.}

_{"Well, I prefer a more classical line-up, You just cannot beat a rousing piece of Debussey, or the crème de la crème... Ravel's, Bolero ! Still, every now and then, even I, can be succumbed by Chris Issac's,'Wicked Games', do you, have anything like that ?” Lucinda pressed.}

_{"I have the William Tell Overture, if that's any good ?} 

_“ George, that's a rather impressive composition, if you think you can keep up with that tempo, Darling, then you knock yourself out. But, given the average age of our guests, my fear is that, that particular score will very likely result in the largest medical emergency this town has ever seen ! Still, play on, lover.” Lucinda left George behind, feverishly flicking through his

_archives.

<sub>To be continued.

lifeandfunnies.blogspot.com</sub>

_“