As a special birthday - age not included - surprise to me fair lady, I whisked her away for a weekend in the country. I chose the village of Burley - due to it's old Manor house - well it did have a lovely photograph of the exterior and surrounding grounds in the brochure, I'm all about the research, me.
The Manor certainly lived up to it's landscape image, and it soon became apparent why there were no photographs of the interior included in the magazine. It was like a reversed Tardis - really impressive on the outside, but severely disappointing on the inside. Never mind, a good level of charming, hotel service would soon re-address my concerns. Unfortunately, the staff all seemed to be employed by the Ray Cooney school of farcical hospitality, with an added dash of Fawlty Towers. The place seemed to be 'manned; by just two members of staff, who were constantly changing their appearance from be-leagued barman and reluctant receptionist to a waste of waiters, rushing out one door only to re-appear - after a considerable amount of time - back in though a different door, in another disguise !
Anyway, we put all that behind us the following day and left the Manor behind to set off to investigate the quaint old village of Burley. What a surprise it was to discover that this area was rich in mysticism and dark arts. In fact, it wasn't long before we found ourselves involved in an actual witches coven ! Well, o.k. 'Witches Coven' was just the name of the oldie worlde gift/souvenir shoppe. Which sold all manor of witch based merchandise - mainly figurines of cutesy witches displaying a somewhat considerable amount of leg - and other occult paraphernalia. Apparently, Burley has a long history with the mistresses of darkness, well as far back as the Forties, anyway. Not so much as Salem as 'Sale Them'. Their benefactor was one Hilda Green - artistic licence applied here - high priestess of the occult, writer, presenter of tv and radio renown, astrologer, medium, breeder of boa constrictors, white witch extraordinaire and...mother ! The little village of Burley, was at this time unknown to the general populace, with no visible means of support, import or export. So, instead of following the age old practice of witch taunting, self prophesying trials or encouraging them to follow a career in alternative medicines, the good people of this little hamlet decided to capitalize on their supernatural commodity. Hence, the preponderance of sheds, dangerously constructed conservatories and other outdoor structures, that look as if they wouldn't pass a reasonable building inspection, dedicated to the pursuit of profit from the sale of family friendly otherworldly materials !
Oh, there was also a preponderance of Lycra bound cyclists free wheeling their way through the area too - I swear they seem to follow us around every where we go....what is the collective noun for a pack of bicyclists anyway ? is it a ..." nuisance of cyclists"
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