Men's Shopping, Bank Holidays, One Direction - and all that jazz

I am just recovering from a minor case of Bank Holiday syndrome. This is a condition, that seems to affect a large number of the population - at any given time, on any given public holiday. The symptoms vary slightly, but the outcome always remains the same....queues. stress and chaos !
   At first, a delusional state sets in, that this or that, is a "Great idea" and that no-one else has ever thought of it before. It's as if, that part of the human mind, that governs reason and sanity is seasonally anesthetized and in it's place a false sense of relationship, zen-like fulfillment and harmonious travel arrangements, are all that remain. The second stage of this affliction, is a fevered belief that we must travel afar - usually gravitating towards some large body of water or major shopping complex - in order to fully enjoy, this or that, family event..
  But, to anyone who has spent - at least - three times the usual travelling times to reach their cherished destination, due to the heavy traffic presence, confused drivers panicking over which lane they should be in - and invariably making their ill-formed decision right in-front of you, at the last moment -  or the many, unexpected, inescapable work closures.We all know - deep down - that these things are all a universal truth, but some of us, the lucky few, have managed to develop anti-holiday bodies, to stave off this common, social malady.
  Anyway, I digress, during one such public holiday sojourn, it came to my attention, just how imperative it is for men, that we be served with a good wi-fi service in stores. I mean, what else are we supposed to do, while we stand there - feeling self-consciously guilty - lurking suspiciously by the ladies changing rooms. In order to avoid eye-contact with other male, passive purchasers and not to impede the odd, lady customer, access to the changing rooms, we desperately need something to keep our hands - and our minds - busy. We move furtively, from foot to foot, staring with semi-dead eyes at our mobiles, fingers twitching, opposable thumbs really proving their x-factor. I think the retail industry are missing out on quite a big market here. They should target blogs/web-sites and all other social media's with a specialized advertising campaign, aimed purely for the male market - after all we do still,physically represent 50% of purchasers, don't we ? - at these special times. This seems a prime time to catch us at our most vulnerable, with spiritual pants down and hand-held devices high, a captured audience, so to speak, Remember - you heard it here first, Michael sales guru - available for private consultations and open to all reasonable offers .
  Finally, I couldn't help but notice, that some of the shops were off-loading One-Direction merchandise, with 20% off...I guess there's no business like....