Shopping Nightmare - What Do I Want, How Often, How Much ?

_{Supermarket Zombies}

_{My ' error of judgement' of the week, was trying to purchase a few, basic necessities - for the approaching weekend ahead – with the expectations that this could be performed with a degree of expediency, on a Friday afternoon. I entered the nearest supermarket, with a plan that was to be simple in it's execution: a small – slightly cracked - one man unit, a quick hit and run assault, objective: one semi-loaded basket of assorted toiletries, and then... freedom, as I made my escape via the self-service checkout – time allowed for operation: 15 minutes max.}

_{I soon came to realise that I had failed to allow for the fact, that although the store may have had a 'super' category, it's customers – sadly - failed to live up to their side of the bargain. I was hopelessly outnumbered – and out maneuvered - by a caravan of slow moving trolleys, and clueless souls, wandering aimlessly around the aisles. Perhaps, I could understand if they were looking at the choice cuts of the day, or weighing up their minds over some particular ' saving of the week ,' but the products that seemed to be causing them the most distress, was in the household cleaning range, of all things.}

_{Here in these corridors of sale, people were found wanting, and those that weren't wanting, were waiting... waiting for the wanting ones, to damn well move out of their way. Certain consumers, were overwhelmed with the choices laid out before them - or just slightly out of reach, on the top shelf – they were transfixed with which option, or formation, would be their best course of purchase. Should they go for a 4-3-3 line-up, the 3-4-2 offer or even a 3-4-ALL... PILE-UP ! People were staring at the shelves, rows and rows of washing detergents and assorted cleaning solutions, their days must be one heady round of anti-bacterial highs. It looked more like a case of ' the dis-affected' rather than disinfectants. Their choices kill 99% of household decisions – DEAD ! The, cognitive condition didn't just contain itself to this particular line of consumerism, oh no, it also bled over into the...towering wall of paper towels – a white wash of wipe-able cloths. Will one ROLL really be PLENTY ? Or could there be an industrial leakage or a series of child based, spillage incidents – over the coming weekend - that may require a multi-purchase of economy size towels, sufficient enough to absorb the local reservoir !}

_{Having a shopping-list is no protection against the inability to form any free-thinking, purchase opinion, either. Possessors of such written demands, were swerving all over the place - like a frenzied zombie, moving without cause or effect - as they stared down at a piece of crumpled paper, as if it contained a secret ingredient for shopping, the possible meaning of materialism itself, the Rosetta Stone of consumerism. Or, perhaps, they just couldn't decipher their partners handwriting, was it 2lbs of spuds or a facial scrub, that they had scrawled below, in their literary attempt ?}

These shoppers, are almost worst than the docile ones, for they would either stop dead in their tracks - for no discernible reason - or suddenly perform a complete 180, right in front of me, and almost cause a mid-aisle collision, as they came and went, at the same time.

    _{It struck me, how superior the ant life, is to ours. Their's is an existence of harmony, of structure, of organisation. I mean, you'd never expect to see them wandering around, holding little scraps of paper, mumbling to themselves,}

_{“ Now, was I supposed to bring back the crumbs or the sugar cubes ?”}

_{Oh, well, at least it's just once a week....right ?}

Live Chat - The Prose and the Con's

_{Live Chat – The Devil is in the Details}

_{Recently, my company has subscribed to the support forum, known as ' Live Chat' which allows interaction between the the 'don't knows' and the ' should know better.' This provides the potential or existing customer, with much needed access to advice, general information, and some poor sod, to reply to them all.}

_{Now, what you may not be aware of, is that once the initial connection is engaged, the company representative can see all the attempts the ' enlightened' inquisitor makes, whilst trying to construct their particular query. Yes, they can watch all your toing and froing, as you do your best to constantly, self-edit, and re-phrase – for what ever reason – the wording of your concern/question. Let me just reiterate this point...the advisor watches every little move you take, every text you make, every error... for goodness sake ! I believe that we are prone to repeat these mistakes for three main reasons: one is of performance pressure – what with the time constraints of being a 'live' connection and two: that the basic keyboard, has a built-in chaos programme, that some whizz-kid created so they can get a cheap laugh at our expense, and three: is our inability to multi-task, as we struggle to formalize our thoughts, while our fingers attempt to download them into a readable format.}

_{After all this, I still decided to take advantage of this facility, myself, as I attempted to apply for a mobile phone upgrade – my current one is so old, that SAGA have approached me, for a possible article in their next publication.}

_{Step one, making contact was easy enough, just one click, and I was through to the next round. Then, I began to make my request for guidance in this matter – surely, for a computer literate user like myself, this should be a quick and simple process. I decided to go with, ' looking to upgrade my first phone in ten years, but don't have an account with you.” I typed with confidence and speed -always a dangerous concoction – upon completion of which, I peered more closely at my handi-work – it was quite a small window, and the words needed greater magnification, than I had at hand. There on the screen, it read, “ upgade my fist pone in tin yers but don ave a accunt wit yo. “ I was shocked and embarrassed, quickly I tried to reverse my misprint, I backspaced my brains out, and typed out again, and again, the correct wording, but for some reason, the keys wouldn't do my commanding, the more I tried, the more frustrated I grew, I became a demon with the mouse, but as the errors mounted, only my curs-ING improved !}

_{Eventually, I panicked and fled the Chat Room, afraid that the advisor, might think I was some kind of, texting, tourettes terrorist or just an illiterate, imbecile.}

_{So, let this be lesson to you all, be careful what you write, you might be surprised at what you read.}

_{In conclusion, I hereby declare that}

_{...Live Chat – is infact the Devil's Forum !}